Online dating is good for creating a connection based on intellectual and lifestyle compatibility. However, the first date will be a lot more complicated in online dating. There is a sense of mystery and excitement associated with exploring the personality of someone new. Online dating takes advantage of this.
Conversely, online dating can be nerve-wracking for some. You aren’t certain that the person you are meeting is everything that has been described. There is a tendency to idealize someone that you have not had the opportunity to physically meet. The best way to take advantage of this is to slowly introduce your personality and lifestyle to the other person. Focus less on demonstrating yourself and more on finding out about them.
The biggest mistake that many online daters make is destroying the mystery that has drawn the other person to them in the first place. You shouldn’t treat a first date as an infomercial about your lifestyle. People enjoy organic and natural interactions that feel comfortable. They are not interested in judging you based on a series of metrics. Attempting to present yourself will make you seem uncomfortable or nervous. This displays a lack of confidence.
On the other hand, focusing more on asking questions will help you maintain a sense of mystery. At the same time, it will help your potential partner open up to you. This will nurture a more natural connection. While they will have ample opportunity to express themselves, they will remain curious about you. While all relationships will bear some incompatibilities, a connection is more likely to survive minor differences when they are not presented in the first meeting.
If you make your first date about presenting yourself to the other person, there will be an environment of judgment. This feels unnatural and awkward. The first date should feel more like a exciting discovery and less like a job interview. No one wants to feel judged. You don’t want the other person to feel like they are competing for your attention.
While you don’t want to be misleading, a little detail goes a long way during a first date. Ask questions that allow the other person to express themselves to you. Don’t make the mistake of trying to demonstrate value by forcing information about yourself into the conversation. Work on a natural rapport. Listen to the other person. It will make for a more comfortable, relaxed experience.
