Driving on the Highway I can’t help but gawk at a billboard that reads, “ASHLEY MADISON: LIFE’S SHORT. HAVE AN AFFAIR.” The message is crystal clear . . . life IS short. Sex IS pleasurable. The thought, once reprehensible, is not at this moment out of the realm of possibilities.
In my prior marriage, the problem we had was his affair, him keeping it a secret, and then him telling me. I often wondered how things would’ve been different if I was the one that had the affair. In a way, you could make the case that having an affair simply supplements what’s missing in a marriage. Maybe we’re not hardwired to be monogamous anyway.
Sharing physical and emotional intimacy with someone is a grand thing. It’s like becoming this new person all over again. The same rules as your current/permanent relationship don’t apply. Basically, you can be anyone you want to be when you’re with your lover in an affair. You can play any role you choose. It can be exciting, memorable, fulfilling, and sexy. No one needs to get hurt, as long as both people are as forthright as they can be from the very start, it can work.
Perhaps like me the sexual life of your marriage has gone old, or cold, or just gone. Your needs are still not being met. Perhaps you two used to be firecrackers and you prayed it would last forever, but real life got in the way and now you are sleeping well together, side-by-side, back-to-back, and really just sleeping.
A shot of imaginative play could be something you can experience and should the marriage be of an open kind, the sharing of learning experience might help bring a new facet to your union. You love each other, you care about each other, and this “new additional experience” may cause you to really appreciate each other.